N.L. PM calls for war after pie incident.

After calling the pieing of Fisheries Minister Gail Shea "an act of terrorism," an MP stepped up his rhetoric and began calling for war.  "This is terrorism," he said.  "It's terrorism of the worst kind.  And we need to have an appropriate response, and the appropriate response is to find a country where people look kind of like her, and we bomb them."  The MP referred to the pie-er who perpetrated the pieing, a woman involved with the PETA organization, who oppose the seal hunt.

When asked if he proposed dropping huge pies on the selected country, the MP was incredulous.  "No.  Bombs.  This isn't clown-school shit, this is terrorism!  Many, many, many people need to be killed."

Speaking out against PETA, MP Gerry Byrne says, "When someone actually coaches or conducts criminal behavior to impose a political agenda on each and every other citizen of Canada, that does seem to me to meet the test of a terrorist organization."

PETA issued a statement saying that they agree with the MP on that point, and are "calling on the Government of Canada to actually investigate whether or not the government, with its ill-advised sanction of the slaughter of seals, is acting as a terrorist organization under the test that exists under Canadian law."

Some individuals are not waiting for an investigation.  An unknown individual has spray-painted the word "Terrorist!" on the MP's house.

"This is outrageous!", the MP is reported as saying.  "It's very damaging to myself and to my family to be called a terrorist.  You can't just accuse someone of being a terrorist, just because they did something wrong, something you don't like.  In fact the person who vandalized my house is the terrorist!  And we need to start bombing some countries.  It's shameful that anyone would call me a terrorist for something as silly as condoning the slaughter of baby seals.  These days, 'terrorist' is a hateful and very damaging word, and it shouldn't be used lightly.  The vandals should be charged with hate crimes for publicly labeling someone as a terrorist.  I've had it already with these animal-rights terrorists and the rest of Canada disagreeing with what the government does... that's terrorism, if anything is."

When asked by a reporter if he thought he was perhaps being a ridiculous idiot, the MP replied "Shut up, terrorist."

Windows 8 to Feature Fully Virtual Monopoly

In its next version of its surprisingly popular operating system, Microsoft will be moving away from providing additional software features, and instead focusing on the company's core strength: monopolies.

"The actual operating system of Windows 8 will be provided by other organizations, but it will have exclusive Microsoft branding, including a wide range of monopolistic features," says a Microsoft spokesperson.  "Users will be getting the best Windows yet, whether it is a version of Ubuntu, or Mac OS, or something else.  But with that they will be getting all of the features that they've come to expect from Microsoft, including easily creating files that can only be opened by other Windows users."

"It's more like an exclusive club than software," says Microsoft.  "And at $250 for a Standard Edition upgrade, our customers know that it's a premium club."

The move is being well-received by Microsoft's customers.  "I'm happy to pay whatever it costs to be part of the Microsoft monopoly", says the director of the New Zealand school board, which has recently renewed a contract to have all-Microsoft software in every one of its schools.  "We already have some schools switching to other operating systems.  This new version of Windows will allow them to do that while still claiming to be 'Windows only.'  Microsoft's new focus will greatly improve the quality of the software, and we will be safe in the knowledge that none of our students will be left behind, forced to pay out of their own pocket for Microsoft branding, or to get out into the real world and be left out, trying to make it in this world without even a shiny Microsoft sticker.  I'm glad we'll be getting something new and better, but still be able to pay Microsoft for it, as we always have."

'The Right Move', says Microsoft

"We've always known that when it comes to actual software, we're mediocre at best.  But as for successful monopolistic practices, we're in a class of our own.  We've listened to our customers, and they tell us that what they want is the monopoly, and they're tired of having to deal with our software to get it.  We've been working hard on this new version of Windows, to allow our monopoly to work with other operating systems, yet still retain that 'Windows only' feel.  The new version will be streamlined down to just the bare essentials.  Basically, it is nothing more than a file system with special Digital Rights Management restrictions that make all files on your system 'Microsoft-only'."

The OS will ship with the new file system on a single 3.5" HD floppy disk, a brochure for additional add-on Microsoft clubs, and of course, an official Microsoft sticker.

I have a googlephonic stereo with a moon rock needle. It's okay for a car stereo; I wouldn't want it in my house

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Illegal Music just sounds better

Posted by Anonymous

I recently accidentally overheard some Illegal Music being played, and I was overwhelmed by the depth and emotion in the sound.  Some people say Illegal Music is the same as any music that is approved for listening by government and industry, but I beg to differ.  There is just something about Illegal Music that you can feel in your chest.  It moves you.  I'm not sure how to describe it, other than that it really just sounds better.

I think it might have something to do with the taboo factor.  It is a forbidden fruit.  Perhaps there are illegal bits in it, which add power to the music or something.  All I know is, it was exciting to hear this secret, subversive sound coming from the speakers, and now that I have a taste for it, I want to hear more.

I don't think the cops were on to me, and I hope I escaped the RIAA Illegal Music taser-squads and their fines and jail-time.  Luckily, this country doesn't have the death penalty, so I know that if I hear something that breaks the law, at least they won't kill me for it.

Are there other types of forbidden music that might also induce this type of excitement?  Are there Terrorist Tunes?  Are there War Crimes Chants?  Music that is criminal is one thing, but is there music that wears furs or clubs baby seals?


Yes, Illegal Music is BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BADB AD BADB AD BAD B BAD BAD BAD BADB ADB ADB ADB ADB BDA BAD BADB ADB ADB B ADB ADB ADBAD BADB ADB BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BADB AD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BDA BADB A BAD BAD BAD BAD BADB AD BADB AD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD, but it sounds sooooooooooo good!  If you have the means, I highly recommend picking some up.  If you get busted, tell the cops that while you did let some of it get into your ear, you didn't listen it into your brain.


PS. I heard that if you play Illegal Music backwards, the devil will come through the walls and sue you.

You lack the brains to know that 4 simultaneous days rotate in an imaginary cubed Earth.

Isn't it pointless to stop eating factory-produced meat, since one person won't make much difference and will never change the world this way, and because it's impossible to convince others when you can't even convince yourself?

Do you secretly hope for an environmental catastrophe big enough to finally prove that global warming is real and that you were right all along, but even more secretly fear that deniers will still say that it isn't anthropogenic, or that deaths and suffering will quickly be forgotten as the extreme right continues to extol the virtues of the new hotter world?

Don't you hate it when you argue about the existence of god and prove your case flawlessly, but then people discover the existence of consciousnesses in the universe that dwell in scales of size and time that are completely beyond our own experiences, and then people say, "See? That's God!", but really they cheated because that's not at all what they described when they were talking about their God, which really isn't fair.

How do you effect change in a world that stupidly, stupidly refuses to agree with you?

Hint: It doesn't matter whether you're right or not; all that matters is what's important to you.

...

There's an old saying by Oprah -- I know it's by Gandhi, probably by Oprah -- that says:

"You must be the change you want to see in the world."

Of course that means that you can't change the world without changing yourself first. But, it can also mean that by changing yourself, you are changing your world.


We each live in our own world. Our world is everything we're aware of, everything we choose to be a part of, everything we experience. Modern living and global news networks make us think that the entire planet is our world, but that's not true. You can let the news tell you what's important to you, and you can take on the entire world's problems (big and small) as your own, but you don't have to. You can tune out, and tune into a different world, make your world the world you want it to be, not by changing everything around you to your liking, but changing yourself to see the world you want to. You can make your world smaller, small enough to be able to make a difference in it.

How does this work?

Suppose you're in a grocery store and you simply read the ingredients on a package of meat, because you're concerned about what's in it ("right view and intention"). You've then already started changing the world. Suppose it contains "pork by-products" and "sodium nitrite", and because this sounds unappealing, you put it back ("right action"). You've changed your perspective on your world, and though it may change back, you might instead never take for granted what you buy and put in your mouth.

Without having to force yourself to do anything, you may find yourself interested in what's in everything you're eating. You may notice things that make you feel healthy and things that make you feel unhealthy, and end up changing your diet. You will see advertisements differently, being aware of some of the things they don't tell you, and decide what you want based more on your own decisions than on persuasion. This way of thinking will affect all your purchases, not just pork vs. no pork. You can escape the world of consumerism, and enter a smaller world where there is more intelligent thought put into what you buy. And that will spread from what you buy to what you do, in different aspects of life. Pretty soon your world is very different. You may not have shut down a hog factory, or convinced anyone not to eat meat, or even stopped doing so yourself, but you'll have changed your own world in ways that make a much bigger difference on your own life.

Last week Some time ago was Buy-Nothing Day. Are your spending habits different than they were a few years ago? Do you feel more conscious of what you buy, and what you do?

...

If you want to change the larger world around you, I'd suggest helping enable people to change their own worlds, rather than fighting against people who seem to be content with a world you want changed. Work for increasing people's freedoms and education, and then leave it up to them to change their own worlds.

I try to be my best.

It takes 10 minutes to run from the DVD dropoff slot at the libary, across a deserted parking lot and streets at 2:00am, back to my place.

Also, I'll put on an icepack while doing my stomach crunches.  I can do a thousand now.