This is true:
Did you know that cars actually generate water when you drive them? People think cars are evil or something, but they actually create this life-giving fluid that is required by all life as we know it. Meanwhile, trees, which people think are wonderful things for our planet, literally destroy much of the water that they use, breaking down its very molecules. By driving your car, you can help restore water into the atmosphere to replace the water destroyed by trees. Not only that, but people think that trees create oxygen; they DON'T.
IT'S TRUE!!!
You can steal this if you want to, you sneaky anti-environmental bastards.