Thursday, February 10, 2011

New oil extraction technique delays peak oil

Advances in "mountaintop removal coal mining" technology have been harnessed by the oil industry to tap into reserves that were previously inaccessible.

Oil engineers briefed The Post Picayune on how the technique works.

"Basically, you take a continent, pump water, sand and chemicals into it to crack it, then you grind the whole thing up. You just mix up the shit out of all the ground until it's all a big muddy goop. Then you wait till all the oil seeps up to the surface, get a bit straw, suck it up, t'row dat in yer gas tank, and yer drivin!"

Oil executives estimate that the new technique could provide upwards of 200 barrels of precious, precious oil per day for several months, by tapping just one moderately sized continent.

"Of course we're really looking at processing two or three continents, to really leverage the technology. For starters."

Environmental groups are calling the technique "environmentally questionable".

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